Busted.

So I’m at work yesterday afternoon, and my Dad gets a call from the woman that rents the business unit that’s attached to the front of our house.  I can hear from my Dad’s responses to her that she’s bitching about Matt and I – my Dad’s saying things like “Okay well I’m happy to [...]

Get outta my bedroom, Big Pharma

I think I want to firebomb my local pharmacy.
Okay, so maybe only theoretically, but still.  The pharmacy shenanigans that go on in this town are enough to drive me fucking crazy.  I take serious issue with the way that birth control is treated like some kind of privilege.  Here’s the deal: I need a new [...]

Edumacated

I attended the graduation of my friend and “wifey,” Meghan, today.  After the two hour ceremony in what happened to be my family’s church (and the diplomas presented by, oddly enough, my mother’s cousin), I was standing outside with Meghan, her family, and her daughter, Emma.  Emma, who’s six, was talking about the birthday party [...]

Is that a fat joke?

At the Pyramid on Thursday night for Bad Thursday/Good Music, some dude tried to pick me up.  He broke the ice by asking my height (what?), and followed up with this:
I like your chunky necklace, it suits you.
Wait, what?  Are you saying I’m chunky?  He then started asking me about what music I like and [...]

“It’s a general rule!”

Overheard in the changeroom at the gym yesterday:
Girl 1: So I don’t know what to wear to the club this weekend.
Girl 2: I don’t think you should wear anything too revealing.
Girl 1: Well that’s not what I meant.  I mean, I can’t wear anything dangly.
Girl 2: What?
Girl 1: Dangly – like earrings or necklaces.  It’s [...]

My brother: Dinglenuts*

My brother has been working at the office two days a week since December.  He’s a real piece of shit.
Arth: “Hey Jess did you get my email?”
Jess: “I haven’t checked, hang on…”

* “Dinglenuts”: A term often used by my father when referring to a particularly ignorant, unintelligent, or otherwise aggravating individual.

“Shipping!”

This morning at work we kept getting spam faxes from some company in the states selling Steel Buildings (“Winter Clearance! Huge Reduction on Steel Buildings! Call Tom at ext. 940!”), so I called the number they provided to remove your fax number from their fax list, but still kept getting faxes from them.  It started [...]

Sanity Watch 2009

Jessica is sooo exhausted.
How exhausted is she?
She’s so exhausted that last night after grabbing a bag of raisins to snack on while she unwound in front of the TV, she realized, upon sticking her hand in the bag, that they were, in fact, crushed walnuts.
I need a nap.

I am…

A conversation between my brother and I as we listened to Beyonce’s new album in the car:
Jess: “This song is from the second half of her new album, the one where she mutates into her alter ego.”
Arth: “Oh yeah, what is it?  Sassy Johnson?”
Jess: “Yeah that’s about right.”

Kung Fu Panda, 3D?

After awkwardly and heat-scoredly smoking a joint in the parking lot, Matt and I head to Kung Fu Panda 3D at the IMAX.
Me: “Matt, is this 3D?”
Matt: “I don’t know.  Yes?  Yes it is.  Look, it’s 3D.  You can see dimension.”
Me: “Yeah.  You’re totally right.  But I thought we’d have glasses.”
Matt: “Nobody else does.  Maybe [...]